Wednesday, December 14, 2011

A Woman in her Thirties Doesn't Judge

Oh, I'm mad. I'm pissed. And when a woman in her thirties is angry, she fumes.

I just got back from a certain place that sells the world's best Peppermint Bark. I'll call it Billiams Aroma. I go there every Christmas to buy FOUR boxes of the stuff-- three for our neighbors, and one for us. It's kinda tradition.

If you've ever been to one of these places during the holidays, you know that you can smell the samples wafting through the corridors of the mall long before you approach. But every time you try to get one, they're always gone. Am I right or am I right?

By some miracle, there was a whole tray of samples on display when Anna and I walked in this afternoon. Brownies, topped with peppermint bark. A woman in her thirties might be a little iffy about taking samples from any store, but look. It's rainy and cold here. I'm hungry. And it's a rare occurrence that this woman in her thirties refuses a brownie.

Anyway, I picked up one of the samples, about the size of a short, fat baby carrot. I put a tiny piece on my finger and gave it to Anna, who promptly said, 'mmmMMM!' and smiled, and then I shoved the rest in my mouth, like the dainty woman in her thirties that I am.

'She must be your second,' the woman behind the cash register said. I didn't know I was being watched.

'No,' I said. 'She's my first.'

'Ooooh,' she said, her eyes filled with the judgement of the self-righteous. Then she turned to Anna and said, all condescendingly, 'Well most first time mommies wouldn't give their little babies chocolate at such a young age!'

The way she said it, you would think she just watched me sit my baby down to a dinner of pork rinds, nacho cheese, and Diet Coke. You would think that by virtue of this one miniscule bite of chocolate, I was setting her up for a lifetime of obesity and heart disease. You would think I was the worst, most terrible mother that ever walked into WILLIAMS SONOMA.

I was thinking (seething) on the way home about all the judgement a woman in her thirties faces. Nothing is ever right enough. Everyone else's way is the better way. We observe each other from these ridiculous glass houses, where we know we don't have it all figured out, but it makes us feel better to point out the ways the people around us don't have it figured out even worse.

And then it hit me that I'm just as guilty of it. Hadn't my first instinct been to think about how her kids were probably in day care, playing video games and feeling completely neglected? Hadn't it calmed me down slightly to think that my life was superior to hers?

This is a hard one, ladies. A woman in her thirties shouldn't judge... but she does. She doesn't realize it until she's judged herself. It sucks. But maybe it was a good wake-up call for me, to think about the ways that I could be better at this. Maybe I should go back to the store with a peace offering of peppermint bark for the cashier.

She can lick it off my middle finger.


  1. I love peppermint bark! I stopped judging once I became a mom! What an infuriating experience. You should go back and share some peppermint bark with her for sure!

  2. OR... you could call her manager and get her ass fired just in time for Christmas... then you'd be just a piss poor mom/judgmental HOME-WRECKER!

    God I love reading your blog. You are my hero.

  3. I've got to say, that is such a huge sign of maturity that you learned from that experience and walked away from it with what you did. Although I wouldn't have blamed you for letting her know just how judgmental she was being.

  4. Ummm.... Pork rinds and Diet Coke are not a staple in every home??.. uh oh...

  5. Hilarious! The last line was my absolute favorite... I can't imagine, the nerve the that woman.

  6. For me, having a "second" helped alleviate some of this judgement. Although my stomach just dropped when you mentioned day care. It still gets to me.

  7. Soooo, not every mom of her first bribes their daughter to eat dinner with a promise of chocolate for dessert? Whoooops! (Suck it Billiams Aroma lady)

    P.S. Adorable picture of AB!

  8. My favorite: that last line!! uhhh...definitely a good reminder for all of us.