Last Wednesday night, when contractions started in earnest, I got an email from the library saying the book I had on hold was in and waiting for me. I was a little distracted at the time, but kept the email in my inbox during the last week of newborn-baby craziness. Why? Did I honestly think I'd make time to read the next book club pick in between feeding every two hours, wiping spit up from the changing table, and leaking breast milk all over the place?
I think it was a subconscious thing, a reminder to myself that I do still have a life now that I...don't have a life anymore.
I cannot begin to list all the people that have come to help us over the last week. From L's parents cooking us pretty much every meal, to L's sister, to the neighbors, to friends blowing up my cell phone with messages of, 'Please, please let us come help', you would think that a woman in her thirties would become hopelessly spoiled as a result of all this generosity. But what happened to me was a tug-tug in my gut. The stubborn Taurus in me has accepted all this help over the last week while thinking, 'Okay, great. But what happens when I have to do this on my own?'
Which brings me to the restoration of sanity. Today I decided, despite being horrifyingly sleep deprived, despite not being able to put on a shirt or sit down without wincing, that Anna and I were going to go out on our first adventure together. I was going to do this. By myself. For no one's sake but my own.
And where else would we go? The library. (Come on, she might not look like me, but she's still mine...)
Here's Anna at the start of our trip:
The library is about three minutes down the road. I spent about two minutes inside the library finding my book and checking it out, and then headed back. It's the kind of trip I've done a million times. But this time, I did it with my daughter.
Here is Anna at the end of our trip:
I realize that for the average woman in her thirties, picking up a book at the library is not exactly an earth-shattering event. But to me, it was. I. Did. It. I can DO this. One book, one adventure at a time.