Friday, January 1, 2010

A Woman in her Thirties is the Simon of Snowmen

When the snow falls in Pleasantville, the snowmen pop up. Here are a few from my most recent walk with Daniel. I've decided to have an Iron-Chef-meets-American-Idol-meets-My-Twelfth-Grade-Classroom approach to the judging. Please keep in mind that this assortment was found within a one-block radius of my home.

Contestant #1: BuddhaThere is something quite... holy about this snowman, isn't there? It's something about his enormous belly and slight tilt eastward, as though reflecting upon The Holy Land.

Creativity: B
Style: B
Resemblance to "The Enlightened One": A


Contestant #2: The Leaning Cat of Pisa

It took a few minutes, but I did finally realize that this is supposed to be a snow cat (see the pointy ears?) Unfortunately, the wind must have knocked over his right paw and that look on his face is downright...feral.

Creativity: A
Style: C
Ability to inspire me to make a snow dog of Daniel: A

Contestant #3: Why So Serious? I'm not going to lie-- this little guy has got me thinking that the creators might want to consider hypnotherapy. Its not just the cyclops look that it's got going... it's the red dye that stains the entire face when you get up close.

Creativity: B
Style: C
Resemblance to the Joker in The Dark Knight: A

Contestant #4: It's a BustI've been waiting for a few days to see the creators of this snowman finish it, but today it dawned on me-- it is finished! Clearly, this is a sculpture inspired by Venus di Milo herself. The face changes in different lighting, but in this photo I most definitely see George Washington. Don't you?

Creativity: A
Style: B
Ability to make me miss KC: A

Contestant #5: Senor TradicionalButton eyes. Stick arms. Tall, nearly straight posture. Senor Tradicional is the epitome of the old fashioned, well-dressed snowman.

Style: A
Creativity: C
Ability to accessorize: A

Contestant #6: GigantorOne of our friends is convinced this snowman isn't real. But it is. And it. Is. HUGE. I keep waiting for the creators to put some accesories on it, but maybe golf club sized carrots and pillow sized coal are a bit hard to come by.

Style: A
Creativity: B
Gigantism: A

If a woman in her thirties must choose, she must be fair. While I liked all the snowmen I saw today, I must say there's one snowman I like even better. And he looks a little something like this:

5 comments:

  1. This might be my favorite post yet. Seriously FUNNY! "Feral"?! I mean come on. How are you not being paid to do this yet?

    Daniel should have been sitting next to Gigantor though, it's difficult to get perspective on how big that thing really is.

    That kind of makes me miss the snow... for about 3 1/2 seconds.

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  2. For the first time in my life, I can truly appreciate a post about snowmen. I tried making a snowman this year and realized about half way through that it was one of the best workouts of my life... my back might NEVER recover from all that rolling rolling rolling and lifting... who knew?!?!

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  3. Omg, you crack me up woman! Your posts get better and better!

    I have to disagree with you about the grade you gave to the Leaning Cat of Pisa, though... C for style? Hmmmm. Since this is the first snow-cat I've ever seen, I've got to peditition for a grade change. B+ surely?? LOL.

    ~April

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  4. how are you liking the sub freezing weather

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  5. I totally agree with the others who say this may be your funniest post yet. However, it made me a little sad that we didn't make a snowman on Christmas Day - that snow was PERFECT for snowmen! I think we might've been able to give Gigantor some competition.

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