Monday, December 28, 2009

A Woman in her Thirties

In honor of my thirtieth follower on 'A Woman in her Thirties', I've decided to make a list of thirty things a woman in her thirties does and does not do. (By the way, are you reading and not following? I mean seriously, how am I supposed to get rich and famous off this blog without a million+ followers?)

Here goes. Feel free to add or comment as needed. As we all know, a woman in her thirties can take constructive criticism.

1. A woman in her thirties drinks good coffee. And good beer.
2. A woman in her thirties appreciates all things Patrick Swayze.
3. A woman in her thirties wears moisturizer on her face (with SPF during the day).
4. A woman in her thirties calls her mother at least once a week, just to ask how she's doing.
5. A woman in her thirties does not eat cheap sushi.
6. A woman in her thirties must have at least one educated opinion on the current state of politics.
7. A woman in her thirties remembers curling, brushing out, and spraying her bangs every day of junior high.
8. And on that note, a woman in her thirties does not share embarrassing pictures of other women in their thirties without their expressed permission.
9. A woman in her thirties understands how her girlie parts work.
10. A woman in her thirties is allowed to be snobby about jeans.
11. And on that note, a woman in her thirties stops taking advantage of Nordstrom's excessively liberal return policy.
12. A woman in her thirties doesn't have a job-- she has a career. She treats it as such, even if it's not the career of her dreams.
13. A woman in her thirties feels lucky if she still has grandparents.
14. A woman in her thirties can spell out all kinds of words on a pager.
15. A woman in her thirties does not rely on her significant other for all of the happiness in her life.
16. A woman in her thirties does not go to a restaurant to fill up on free bread.
17. A woman in her thirties supports the decisions of her friends, even if she doesn't agree with them.
18. A woman in her thirties can still answer this question: Brandon or Dylan? (Brandon)
19. A woman in her thirties is perfectly content without plans on a Friday night.
20. A woman in her thirties does not make instant mashed potatoes.
21. A woman in her thirties flosses her teeth, and not just in the days before going to the dentist.
22. A woman in her thirties does not waste her time with losers.
23. A woman in her thirties feels guilty when she sleeps past 8:00am (unfortunately).
24. A woman in her thirties withholds her judgment of the homeless.
25. A woman in her thirties does not use her credit card like it's 'free money'.
26. A woman in her thirties does not eat breakfast cereal that turns the milk pink.
27. A woman in her thirties knows her neighbors.
28. A woman in her thirties has a Costco card and uses it.
29. A woman in her thirties shops for art.
30. A woman in her thirties identifies completely with at least one character from Sex and the City. (Carrie-- minus the fashion sense and the book deal. I'm working on it.)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

A Woman in her Thirties is Pink Jesus

It's no secret that I've been cold lately. I am willing to complain to pretty much anyone who will listen about how my lips freeze off every morning when I take Daniel for walks. I just didn't realize how far my whining had really reached until last Friday.

My department did a secret Santa deal last week, and my secret Santa had heard through the grapevine and from my own big mouth that I was freezing my tail off in my classroom lately. When it came time to reveal herself, she gave me two gifts:

1. Mittens (awesome)
2. A hot pink Snuggie (double awesome)

In case you've been living in a cave, a Snuggie is a blanket with arm holes. You're supposed to wear it when reading on the couch or watching a football game and it gets chilly, at least that's what it suggests in the commercials. But when you're me, working every day in a cold classroom (cold by my standards, anyway), you wear the Snuggie when teaching.

That's right, people. For the last two days I have been teaching in a Snuggie.

My 2nd period class cannot get enough of this. 'You look like pink Jesus,' one of my students said today as I lifted my arms to adjust the volume on the TV. It was the most confusing of compliments, at first.

'Oh my GOD,' a co-worker said later during a meeting when he realized I was taking notes in my Snuggie. 'You know you're a true Minnesotan when you're so cold you stop caring what you look like.'

Now that was not a confusing compliment. That was downright rude. But do you think I care? Nope. A woman in her thirties chooses to be warm and cozy in a not-so-warm-and-cozy world. She is secure in her Snuggie. She is pink. She is Jesus.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

A Woman in her Thirties Learns

I can remember a time, probably in my early teens, when thirty sounded equally as old as eighty. Somehow I'd rationalized that, by thirty, all the questions of life would have been answered. All the knowledge that was to be imparted to me would be... imparted. Sometimes I find myself thinking back to that time when I need a laugh.

This week, in the advent of my first real snowstorm, I came to accept what I've known for over a year now, writing in this blog.

A woman in in her thirties learns

1. The difference between mittens and gloves.
I mean, I know the difference. But the California girl in me always thought that mittens were for little kids, and gloves were for adults. I honestly thought that until a couple of days ago. But when complaining to my friends about how I almost lost my pinky finger to hypothermia while taking Daniel for a walk on Wednesday, they said quite simply, 'Everyone knows that if you want your hands to stay warm, wear mittens.' I nodded and pretended that I was 'everyone'.

2. To keep books on CD in her car at all times.
I am usually very good about this, but I was ill-prepared for the 1 and a half hour drive home I had on Tuesday while the snow came down. I think I heard the same NPR broadcast about Tiger Woods twenty times. Lesson learned.

3. Snow Days are Awesome.
My fellow teacher friends, there is nothing like waking up at 5:00am, turning on the news, and seeing that your district has canceled school due to severe weather. It is the magic of Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy, all rolled into one. And on that note...

4. No one knows ANYTHING (except my father-in-law).
L's Dad was the only one to predict that I would get a snow day. 'Be prepared', he told me. Everyone else I talked to, particularly my students, said, 'No way, they NEVER cancel school here! You're dreaming!' Well, sometimes dreams come true for a woman in her thirties.

5. Everything is better with Daniel.
I'll admit, my first snow storm was scary. Right now it is 11 degrees, which I still feel should be considered illegal. However, there's one member of our family who's loving every minute of this weather, and he reminds me of silver linings, of lemons and lemonade:

Sunday, December 6, 2009

A Woman in her Thirties Takes a Day

Sorry for not posting in awhile, all ye women in your thirties, but between parent teacher conferences, Tiger's infidelity, lesson planning, and the mini mental breakdown I had on Tuesday, I just haven't had the time for blogging.

My stress level confuses me. I don't understand exactly why I'm so stressed. I could use the move as an excuse, but I lived in China for three years for Pete's sake. It's not like Pleasantville is more difficult to adjust to. Teaching is a stressful job, sure, but I've been doing this for six years. You'd think I would have figured out how to handle the pressure by now. I like my job. I love my friends. And the men in my life, L and D, continue to wag their tails in happiness when they see me.

So what's up?

Friday, at a meeting, someone asked me what I was doing this weekend. I got that tightness in my chest that I get when I visualize my to-do list (which is very real, kept in my planner) and realize that there's no way I'm going to get through what I need to this weekend and have an hour or so of downtime to... oh, I don't know... sleep. She sensed it.

'You need to block off Sunday,' she said after I listed all I had going on this weekend. 'For you.'

A woman in her thirties takes a day off from herself. (Isn't that rule #1 once we enter this decade?) Today I'm doing laundry, getting my fat butt to the gym, making a nice dinner, and catching up on So You Think You Can Dance. I will not think about the lessons I have yet to plan, the Christmas cards I can't decide to whether or not to mail, or the poop that Daniel just ate while on a walk. There's only so much a woman in her thirties can do.