Monday, March 9, 2009

A Woman in her Thirties Springs Forward

I heard on the radio this morning that the shift in the spring for daylight savings time causes today, the first work day on the new schedule, to be marked by moodiness, fatigue, and general suicidal tendencies. Not exactly the Monday morning wake up I was hoping for, especially given a slew of work-related drama that has kept me wondering why it is I got into the political and often thankless world of teaching.

This was in the back of my mind all day, and while I wanted to find a reason to use my morning fact on my students to remind them to be nice to me, I really couldn't. Today was a great day all on its own, made only greater by the fact that the sun shone a little longer this evening than it normally does.

I feel like this past winter I've been in hibernation. I been fixing and working and discovering, wondering and worrying and wishing, hoping and praying and all the things that go along with the chaotic life I've made for myself. Tonight I reflected back on last year at this time, when I thought by this point I would be all settled and I'd finally have a chance to stop and smell the proverbial roses. Curveball upon curveball, and I'm telling myself the same thing I was 365 days and 7000 miles ago. Next year I'll have it all figured out. Next year....

It's been thirty years of waiting for the next big thing, and I'm afraid I've listened a little too closely to radio DJs who mention in passing that my day might suck; allowed people who don't know me dictate how I lead my life . It's tempting to look back and critique all my choices; pile up the bricks of my life and see only how crooked things have turned out.

I've decided my springing forward this year will be a metaphorical one as well. No more looking back, no more living in a wistful Someday. Tonight I am taking in the events of the day and hoping that next year I remember this moment, the lightness that has come from feeling, for the first time in a long while, that I am exactly where I belong.

1 comment:

  1. What an absolutely wonderful and inspiring post. Bravo!