Thursday, February 19, 2009

A Woman in her Thirties Dreams of Rehab

My twenties were marked with vacations with my girlfriends. Cabo, Cancun, Tahoe, Vegas... Shots were taken. Dancing happened. Police were bribed. You know, the usual stuff.

I guess it was in my late twenties, and now especially in my thirties, my idea of what constitutes vacation has changed. I think it has less to do with the extensive traveling I did over the last three years, and more to do with the fact that I'm in a career that leaves me emotionally and physically exhausted at the end of every day. The truth of the matter is I don't want to go anywhere. I don't want to do anything. I want to relax. I want be on my schedule for a change. I want to know what it feels like to be bored.

It was Perez H who first gave me the idea of going to rehab. An extensive journalist when it comes to all things Britney Spears, last year he wrote a short caption in his blog about how she went to a place called Promises. I checked it out. At Promises, Britney had personal chefs cooking all healthy food. There is no TV-- only books. Promises Malibu boasts a tennis court, swimming pools, jacuzzis, and several meditation areas. You can horseback ride through the hills, overlooking the beach below. Lights out at 9:00. As for the results...have you seen Britney lately? She is smokin'.

This is the place for me.

People always react the same way when I say I want to go to rehab. 'But you're not addicted to anything!' And that, to me, is the beauty of it. While everyone else is suffering from withdrawl or sitting in group therapy, or whatever it is they do that makes Promises a legitimate medical facility, I will have the hiking trails and the sauna all to myself. I will leave the addicts to their recovery and they can leave me to my peaceful retreat. At the Sheraton, you are bombarded with vacationers who interrupt your reading or sunbathing with their conversations about sunscreen application or whether or not Jimmy just peed in the pool. At Promises I will have all the benefits of rehabilitation and none of the nasty side effects.

My birthday is coming in just under three months. Hint, hint. Hint.

1 comment:

  1. i think this is an amazing idea, but think you may want to consider picking up some sort of vice before you check in...no one likes a show off! :)

    ReplyDelete